ℒavedæ sp.

Halo,

Di kantor tadi, waktu buka Google Mail, aku ga sengaja buka chatroom Hangouts. Baca sedikit, scroll keatas sedikit, sampai jauh. Sampai timestamp akhir 2018, kalau ga salah.

Nggak langsung sekaligus sih, dikit-dikit. Ingin scroll terus, tapi hari ini Senin. Biasanya kerjaanku numpuk di hari Senin. Jadi aku tadi buat game kecil : kalau selesai kerjain A, aku boleh scroll lagi. Kalau sudah selesai kerjain B, baru boleh scroll lagi.

Interaksiku ke kamu 2018-2019, rasanya beda dengan yang sekarang. Interaksiku ke kamu sekarang jelek sekali. Apa aku terlalu semena-mena pada kamu? Kalau rasa sayangnya, masih sama—malah justru mungkin sekarang jauh lebih-lebih.

Interaksi kamu ke aku pun beda. Aku merasa dulu kamu lebih luwes, lebih bahagia. Sekarang kamu berhati-hati. Setiap kamu bilang “aku salah ngomong”, aku ngerasa nostalgia. Karena aku rasa, kamu ga ngomong begitu cuma sekali dua kali.

Terus, yang salah apa dong? Yang salah aku. Kondisiku yang saat ini aku sendiri ga paham, dan masih berusaha untuk direparasi. Tiap aku mikirin, ujung-ujungnya mataku sembab. Tiap hari ke kantor dengan kondisi mata bengkak, bikin kerasa ngantuk.

Bulan ini, ada banyak hal yang ingin aku bilang/tanya. Tapi ga sempat, atau lupa terus.

1. Kamu jadi dinas ke Jogja/Malang? Kapan? Sebenernya aku rasa kayaknya aku telat. Karena kalau ga salah kamu cerita, perginya akhir September. Sekarang udah tanggal 27 September. Atau jangan-jangan malah sekarang sudah berangkat.
2. Udah coba bantalnya belum? Kalau masih ada bau karet, ada yang bilang biarin dulu sekitar sebulan. Lama-lama baunya hilang. Aku ingat kamu pernah khawatir kalau aku ga suka kamu ngorok, tapi aku kasih bantal itu bukan karena aku ga suka cowok yang ngorok. Aku pernah baca bahwa ngorok itu sebenarnya ga sehat, karena ada bagian saluran pernapasan yang tersumbat.
3. Aku sayang kamu.

Sekarang aku berdoa semoga list diatas ga perlu ditambah nomor 4, 5, 6, dan seterusnya.

Reminiscing.

Thanks to a friend, I watched the hyped Start-Up drama, which brings me to the past.

Hackathon reminds me of the Business Plan Competition (2013) I had. We also consisted of 5 people: 3 guys and 2 girls. I could relate to Dal Mi’s nervousness as I also did the pitching presentation (not as CEO though, had not enough skills for the seat).

From what I watched, Samsan Tech won at last place. My team also won at last place (3rd), which, startled everyone—I mean it, e ve ry one—since no one thinks we would make it, even our mentor too. We were the guys who sit at the back rows of the class. We were the underdogs.

But people didn’t know we were serious about the competition, how we pulled those all-nighters with passion, unlike the all-nighters we normally do when there’s an exam on the next day.

Afterwards, our mentor briefed us about getting investments for expansion. I remember having a meeting about how much of the company’s stock should each of us have. My mentor’s tip was similar to Ji Pyeong’s : “Make the CEO powerful, so that even though the investor got in, the CEO wouldn’t lose to the investor.” In Jae’s dismissal from Nature Morning is a good basic study case.

Afterwards, I could still relate to Dal Mi. I was so desperate looking for investors. I went to networking events—I got it at least once a week in my agenda since I was still busy with college—made connections, and eventually pitching up to investors who were interested.

Even though we failed, the whole journey had been exciting.

Stressful, but it was fun while it lasted.

Be with someone who, does not only know your peace, but also your pace.

Yes, they make you happy. But do they have the same vision for what’s next?

.

2017 was one of my most challenging years. I started living in another city other than my own hometown, I gambled on my career in Jakarta. July was the worst. But even in darkness, there is light.

Out of all the people who came into my life, I met you.

It was all butterflies in my head and in my tummy. We had so many mutual interests and often times we think the same way. “I feel happy being with you” is an understatement. I don’t know if we had ever fight, if we did have any, I guess it was just some insignificant matter. All I can remember about you are only good things. 

Especially when I was in my lowest point, you were always there the way nobody else could. But then again, good things have to come to an end.

Even until now, I’m still anxious if you thought that I was not sincere to you. I was just simply not ready to go that fast on my life, there are so many things that I want to do while I still can.

.

The first time I knew, it was a week ago. I fell silent. Shocked, perhaps.
But now I can honestly say that I’m also happy for you, D.A.

.

.

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You’re a good guy, you deserve all the goodness in life, you deserve to be happy.
I hope you’ll continue living a happy life. Thank you for everything.

So I decided to take a look on my Tumblr page…

and saw that my last post was in 2015!

I was only 19, trying to survive college by then. And now I’m a salarywoman working on my third job, after I resigned from the previous two companies (might as well write about this sometime in the future).

At first, I couldn’t figure out which email I used for this, and the fact that it was a Yahoo mail made things more complicated since, you know, we have all left it behind.

Went through some of my pages also, happened to hop on the links subpage and saw that I displayed quite a lot of social media account that I used at that time. Sad to know that a lot of them was shut down. You name it, gomiso.com, formspring.me, flavors.me… IT industry is quite frightening, no?

Regarding that matter, I remember some years ago I was fascinated by a futuristic movie in which the character does payment at the cashier counter not with cash, but with their mobile phone. I thought it would take at least 10 years for it to happen in real life and yet only last year people were already got used to do payments at cashier counters with their mobile phones, scanning QR codes.

What I’m trying to say is, fife has been exciting as it is, everything happens in a blink. Not everything was good, ups and downs are inevitable. But I’m truly grateful for everything.

About Trust

A pup was walking down the street when it came across a group of young boys. The leader of the group spotted the dog and pointed it out to his friends. Seeing the boys, the dog too wagged his tail and barked, looking forward to being petted and making new friends. However,even as the pup wagged his tail, one of the boys picked up a stone. The boy turned to the others and told them how dogs are bad because another dog had bitten his grandfather years ago. As he nodded, a second boy picked up another stone even as he spoke of the incessant barking of stray dogs in his neighbourhood at night, disturbing the sleep of his family. A third spoke of how dogs are bad because of religious reasons. The others realized the wisdom in their friends’ words and each picked up a stone, aware now that breeds like this could not be trusted. The pup stood where he was, confused as he watched the boys come closer to him.

By the time night had descended upon the land, the boys had dispersed and gone to their individual homes. There was a sense of accomplishment, having stopped a menace from entering their streets. Lying bloodied and brutalized, the pup that had wagged his tail in hope of giving and receiving love licked its wounds. It was too young to know that the physical wounds would heal in due time… but it was now old enough to have learned to distrust the species of stone throwers. The most selfless creature since time immemorial now knew to hate… because that was what it received for no fault of its own. For the crimes of others, it had paid with its body and soul.

(taken from: http://www.dailyrounds.org/blog/why-i-will-never-allow-my-child-to-become-a-doctor-in-india/)